painfully loving you

Hearing this song before makes me want to sing. But hearing this song now makes me want to cry.


Can we teach our hearts to love another if the person we like doesn't seem to bother? Can we just scream as if there's no tomorrow? Can we just walk out of the door and pretend nothing happened? I just wish I can do all of this.


I'll try to be serious. I like him now. Maybe, the feelings I have is not even liking but love already. Maybe that is the reason why I'm like this. After 2 years, it's the first time that I've felt this feeling again. The feeling of hurt, sadness...

Others say that he's not worth it. Whenever they say that, I'm feeling a bit sad already. But that's what happened with "one sided" love. Having that kind of love will bring more sufferings. I didn't know that it is so painful. I should have just kept it inside forever.

I'm also hurt whenever my mom will say that I already have a boyfriend now. It hurts even more when they believe that the reason why I always arrive later than usual in our house is because I have a date. Maybe the reason why I was hurt is because part of me is wishing that what my mom was saying is true and the other part is just plain pissed off because it's not true.


With what's happening to me right now, add the bickering of my mom about her life, I can say that I'm not happy with it. I just wish that I did not chose you. I wish it was someone else. But my heart says its you... I just wish that I could dictate it to what it should do, who to love and not to love....

.....

I've been such a stupid person this past week... And I really regret it.... How I wish I just kept my mouth shut or I acted as if nothing is wrong nor was I affected on what they've said..


Me and my stupid feelings.. Because of that, I think I lost a friend....

Me and my stupid feelings... How I wish I just kept it as a secret.

Me and my stupid feelings... Even if you don't say it, I can feel it...

Or maybe you're just keeping your feelings away from me... But you're hurting me now unintentionally because of what you are doing.

I just wish you'll stay as my friend. Because I'm trying to act as if there's nothing...