What is PMDD? This is a severe form of Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. So severe that it can disable a person and rupture her relationships.
According to www.mayoclinic.com "Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Although regular PMS and PMDD both have physical and emotional symptoms, PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt your work and damage your relationships."
"In both PMDD and PMS, symptoms usually begin seven to 10 days before your period starts and continue for the first few days that you have your period. Both PMDD and PMS may also cause bloating, breast tenderness, fatigue, and changes in sleep and eating habits. In PMDD, however, at least one of these emotional and behavioral symptoms stands out:
- Sadness or hopelessness
- Anxiety or tension
- Extreme moodiness
- Marked irritability or anger"
At least one of the behavioral symptoms. I always have 3 out of the 4.
Every 2nd week after my menstruation, extreme moodiness will always kick in. In an instant, I will be irritated with just about anything. Or I will crave for a certain food for a couple of days. Cravings like that of a pregnant woman. I will often feel myself salivating over a certain food and I will be contented for over a week just eating that food. I will also feel cramps, queasiness in the stomach as well even though it's not time for my menstruation yet. I also have severe headache, feeling of bloatness, acne, and breast swelling.
I also cry. Yes. Even if it is for no reason. I can feel a sharp tug in my chest. Then I will feel so depressed that I will just resort to crying. This happens during the 2nd week, as well as during menstruation.
Apathy. I just don't care about things that I normally care about. After the episodes, it'll be back to normal again.
Deep sadness. Usually, it results to depression. I usually just lock myself up in my room and cry. I cry so hard sometimes that I can't hardly breath anymore. Then, I will always think that I am so useless. That, if ever I kill myself, no one will care. I always have that thought.
Yes, I do have suicidal tendencies as well. I once had an episode wherein I am already holding a scalpel in one hand, aiming it in my left wrist. I already had the blade so close to my skin that I can feel it's coldness. Coldness, I thought. Momentarily after that, my body would be lifeless and cold as well, just like that glimmering blade. And yeah, I always think that they won't care, my family. So what if I die? Less mouth to feed. Less annoyance in their life.
Annoyance. Yup. I view myself as a big annoyance to my family. Most especially if my hormones will suddenly just decided that they will be on rage. I can't control myself. Whenever I am angry or irritable, they will get annoyed. And I can only reply "I can't help it! I wish I can control it. I wish na nag i-inarte lang ako!".
But sadly, they will not understand. They don't want to understand. They don't even want to try to understand me. All I want is understanding. Is that too much to ask? Sadly for my family, yes.
I need help. Once I get a job, I will consult a specialist. This is affecting way too much of my personal life. I am always in an argument.
I need help. I need understanding. Please bear with me.
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