Of decisions, goals, and dreams...

Have you tried setting a goal and deviate away from it?

I did. And I think this is one of my worst decision I made so far.

9 years ago, I've taken UPCAT. It was a memorable day for me because I felt that I am doing my family a big honor. Not only that, this is an entrance test for UP, which made me more nervous.
Questions like "Will I pass?" constantly hover in my mind alongside with the things I've reviewed the previous month. Not to mention, I have sore eyes as well.

Fast track to 2005. News came. If some students are so excited to tell their parents that they past, I just consoled and admitted to myself that I did not pass. My over-achieving mom just rant "Ba't di mo kasi ginalingan?". To which I answered "Hindi naman kasi ako kasing talino ni kuya. Wag mo ko igagaya sa kanya". I always have that convo with my mom whenever I failed at something. I know that she is not comparing me to my kuya. However, I can feel it. One example is when I failed to move on to the next level of the badminton tournament. I was so devastated. Yet, when I went home to tell it to my mom, she went full berserk! "Anong ginawa mo?! Ba't di mo kasi inayos. Natalo ka tuloy." Eh sa magaling yung kalaban ko." I replied while containing my tears. I am hurt, yes. I just know that my mom wants the best out of me. But, sometimes, even if I give 101 % in something, it really is not meant for me.

Now, for every UPCAT taker who did not pass, they have an option to just transfer after a year. Well, I can say that motivated me. However, I found out that if I transfer, they will just credit my NSTP subjects and PE. So I decided. No.

Wrong move.

I should have stick to my goal. Now, thoughts like What if I transferred?  I may have been able to pursue Mass Communication. Ending to my dream job working in News and Public Affairs.

Allow me to use Mountaineering here.

You see, goals can be likened to the summit or peak of the mountain. You start at the jump off. You must follow the trail.

But, what if, all of a sudden there is a fork in front of you? And the worst part is, you don't know which one is the right way? Either way you choose, it will lead you to the summit. But those 2 trails may lead you to a longer trail, while the other is shorter. Not to mention, the unpredictable weather up in the mountain. Are you properly geared?

Worst part is, are you really pursuing the mountain you think it is? Or is it a wrong mountain, just like what happened to Dr. Gideon Lasco of www.pinoymountaineer.com.

Forks represent your decisions. Will you trust your instinct to choose the right trail? Or are you going to check both trails and just back track? If we will attribute this to life, a wrong trail is like a detour. It may be not the right way. Nonetheless, it taught you some valuable lessons that you will carry on for the rest of your life.

Or, sometimes, wrong trail is like making a lot of decisions or doing a lot of things. But eventually, it will still lead to your goal. It may be the long way, but it offered life lessons to ponder on.

Sometimes, climbing a mountain needs a guide. Most specially, if you are not familiar with it. He will come in handy when you get lost.

Attributing it into our life. A guide is our mentor. Or someone close into our life that will teach us and guide us to the right path. It can be our family, friends,  church leader, anyone.

Mountain gears can be our family members and friends. You see, no one can live alone. We need other people to make us continue living. I always contest the "No man is an island" saying when I was a kid. I always tell myself, I don't need friends. All I need is myself and foods. Well, I was naive. I learned that as we grow older, we will meet a lot of new people. Some stays, some leave. But those who stay will be treasured for a lifetime, just like mountain gears.

I may not be in the right position to write this kind of post. At 24, I am still exploring my own mountain with its peak covered in clouds. I have encountered a fork, and I have chosen the long trail towards the peak. I am still lost in my own mountain, hacking my way out of the thorny bushes, creating my own trail. But I know, and I feel, I am nearing the summit.




Carmi Dolly Rose Bautista
San Jose del Monte, Bulacan
08-05-2013

Still wandering in Neverland...